happyfrosh's happy place

one night in bankok

2013-04-21T21:27:00.000-07:00

I was on the most recent Atlantis cruise from Singapore to Bangkok. The boat overnighted in Bangkok. It was great.

In many ways it exceeded my expectations.

Because of the Atlantis cruise the businesses decided to be open on a weekday evening. A local told me that it was as busy as a high season weekend.

At the recommendation of the Atlantis staff and promotional materials, we ended up at a bar called Dream Boy. Another nearby bar specialized in slightly more muscular boys.

Despite it being a weekday Wednesday evening the businesses were open and busy. Every seat at the stripper bar was filled.

The stripper bar doubled as a legal brothel. Boys on stage wore matching white underwear with plastic numbers pinned to the side. The announcer for the show was quite upfront about the pricing of the boys. I felt no need to play with a Thai prostitute, but did enjoy the atmosphere.

The shows at Dream Boy and other bars involved full sexual penetration. The dance numbers were choreographed and well practiced. Some of the acts were in the style of Cirque du Soleil. The acts were better than the performances in the Hollywood movies Magic Mike and Showgirls.

In one scene a boy bent over and braced himself against a metal ladder. The top walked up behind him and shoved his hard cock into the bottom's ass. While the bottom stayed mostly still, the top performed a slow cartwheel in place, with his dick remaining in the bottom's ass. Another couple of boys performed the same acts synchronized at the other side of the stage.

There was an acrobatic scene involving four rings hung from the ceiling. The bottom reached up and grabbed two of the rings. The bottom wrapped his ankles around the top's waist. The top penetrated the bottom. The top reached up and grabbed another set of rings. The top lifted his heels up and put them on the shoulders of the bottom so that the couple was supported only by the rings. They swung back and forth in full coitus.

There was a dance performed under black lighting with luminescent body paint. The paint on their fronts was simple and crude. The paint on their back was detailed and amazing. As the boys danced the animals painted on their backs seemed to move as though alive. The body paint was even more amazing since we had seen the same boys perform 15 minutes earlier without any body paint.

Some of the other people on the cruise attended a different show intended for a straight audience. That show involved ping pong balls and a vagina. This was a favorite topic of conversation for the rest of the trip.

We went to see the sign outside of this straight club the following day.

happyfrosh outside the bar that performs the Ping-Pong ball show in Bangkok.

The clubs were a small but important part of making Bangkok a memorable experience.

straight porn

2013-04-19T20:15:00.000-07:00

I'm gay. I'm quite comfortable with that. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to learn from straight porn.

The Center for Sex Positive Culture is where many of us learn rope here in Seattle.

At the CSPC, the man that taught me rope is quite straight. But he learned from a gay rope top. And has taught a number of us gays.

Every so often I troll the straight BDSM porn sites. I sorta think of this as an idea book. The straights do some interesting things.

I found the use of pantyhose thought provoking, as a male masturbation sleeve. From a sensation standpoint I think that this might work. Also I think I should do a kidnapping scene with pantyhose over my head.
Pantyhose over the head is a traditional outfit for aggressive activity. We have to honor traditions.

Many of the things that seem popular make no sense to me. There's a large emphasis on distance and teasing and denial. Chastity devices seem to be popular in femme dom porn. Even though chastity devices by their nature are difficult to capture in porn.

kink.com is doing some really nice straight porn. I found some interesting things on their franchises The Training Of O and Men in Pain.

I found The Training of O to be one of the most clever. It has some really good bondage. They use a gimp for many of the male sexual roles. It allows the male dom to be distant and less emotional. But it seems like it would be non-threatening for a straight male audience.

male gimp in metal bondage in a sexual role

gimp in cage
http://www.thetrainingofo.com/site/shoot/27780-The-Training-of-Cassandra-Nix-Day-Four.html

metal bondage and gimp
http://www.thetrainingofo.com/site/shoot/28386-The-Training-of-an-Anal-Slut-Day-Two.html

nice bondage position. flexible bottom.
http://www.thetrainingofo.com/site/shoot/17962-Lesbian-5-Slave-Training-Intake-Featured-Trainer-Claire-Adams.html

gimp chained up
http://www.thetrainingofo.com/site/shoot/27554-THe-Training-of-Cassandra-Nix-Day-Two.html

chain bodice. use of the hooded gimp
http://www.thetrainingofo.com/site/shoot/27555-The-Training-of-Cassandra-Nix-Day-Three.html

We can learn a lot from the straights.

bondage pics from MAL

2013-03-16T15:25:00.002-07:00

bed tie at MAL using synthetic rope, humane restraints, and handcuffs

chair tie at MAL using synthetic rope

public bondage at MAL using leather belts

Cyclomatic complexity and improvisation

2013-01-29T22:43:00.003-08:00

I really believe in cyclomatic complexity (aka cyclometric complexity) matters outside computer science. I believe that the more choices one makes the more likely one is to make mistakes.

But I also like to improvise in scenes.

I work in computer science. After a while some of the concepts start to infect the rest of your life. I look for answers by something similar to an AStar. I weigh probabilities by means like a beam search. I look for patterns as a (high-dimensional) mixture of Gaussians. Concepts from work have become the lens by which I view my life.

Cyclomatic complexity is a way to measure the complexity, so the number of possible failures, and hence the difficulty of a scenario.

A significant chunk of my career has been spent reverse engineering the abandoned work of others. A visual guess of cyclometric complexity has come to be my proxy for the "here be dragons" of old maps.

In the dungeon, I have a couple scenes that I do really well. Even for a mostly improvised scene I will set out equipment as though for one of my standard scenes, and understand where I could, if necessary, rejoin a standard scene. Even if never used, an escape hatch into a good scene is a good backup. Branches and return to known state generally has low cyclometric complexity.

But during negotiation I listen really hard, and try to figure out what really motivates a boy. And I really try to hear how I can modify a scene to match the appropriate fetishes and triggers. I try to figure out exciting branches from standard scenes. But one of the things that I keep in mind is the cyclometric complexity from a well known scene.

Planning and theory aside, I had an odd weekend. I had a scene that involved a lot of moving parts (boys). Overall the scene was pretty good, but I made a few mistakes along the way. The weekend had a couple overreaches. I got slightly off-plan. I doubt the bottoms noticed or remembered.

In retrospect I realize that part of the problem was that the cyclomatic complexity of the scene was too high for me to fully understand the dynamics. I need to build up to that from simpler scenes.

low gear scene

2013-01-28T20:17:00.000-08:00

The mostly straight guy was in the dungeon over at MasterZ's dungeon. Our previous play had involved a lot of gear.

Smacker, SoundsFun and I were playing standing in the center of the room. As play progressed we started to move towards gear. As a counterpoint to the previous gear play I thought about a simple scene.

I got one of the bar stools and we bent him over. With legs spread and my chest pressed down on his back, I held his wrists together with one hand while one hand was free to grope. Restraint was provided only by muscle.

We took turns restraining him, and played with his dick. We decided to use MasterZ's new dildo, a clever smooth metal thing designed for prostate massage. We pressed a massager against the dildo. I stroked him to orgasm.

He had an intense orgasm.

It was a great group effort. Then we had a lovely dinner.

SoundsFun, westofhearts7, and Smacker.

Fun prostate massaging dildo, "Metal Worx Teaser"

heel stick

2013-01-20T20:37:00.000-08:00

I was over at the home and dungeon of MasterZ.

A boy was delivered a spanking and caning. The spanking was mostly provided with something similar to a strop. The caning was performed using a "heel stick". It was an intense scene. The bottom was semi-erect and happy.

I was delighted to see the particular heel stick getting used. It's one that I had found in the pet supply section of Cabela's Sporting Goods Store. It's strong and flexible. It leaves beautiful marks.

Being designed for use as a tool in the training of actual dogs is just a bonus.

A “heel stick” (center, red) turns out to make an excellent cane.

(I can't find this item on the Cabela's website. It is available from amazon.)

bad touch

2013-01-17T19:45:00.000-08:00

A boy is dressed in a jockstrap. He takes the hotel elevator from his room to the crowded leather event taking place in the lobby. In the elevator he is touched by a troll. The boy says 'no'. He is touched a second time by the troll.

This was based on a real event that happened to somebody I know. I was not the boy or the troll.
Everybody agrees that the second touch is deeply wrong.

I generally do not gag boys. I don't use complicated safewords. I listen for words in plain english telling me about ongoing or upcoming problems. Informed consent may be withdrawn. And I believe that this generally protects me from making the second touch mistake.

It's the first touch that I haven't figured out.

Sexually I live in a world of implied consent. Much of my play happens in the gray area between what people have expressly consented to and expressly forbidden.

I try very hard to read the non-verbal cues that boys provide. I try to understand what a first touch mistake would look like.

But assuming implied consent creates a situation of victim blaming.
This debate hits the news every so often, including events like the slutWalk march.

Casual touching in a crowded leather event is something of a protean gesture, and can be easily misinterpreted.

I have lost sleep over the first touch of the boy in the jockstrap, but I still believe that the first touch of the boy in the jockstrap is a grey area.

Wedge pillow

2013-01-05T22:15:00.001-08:00

I sorta like shoving my dick deep down a boy's throat. The best way seems to be the head off the side of a bed. Feels really great.

But there wasn't a comfortable way of doing this in the dungeon. So I thought about a firm foam pillow.

I spent some time looking at amazon, and found something promising. The price seemed reasonable.

Today it arrived. I fooled around with it alone on the floor of my living room. Tonight I tried it in the dungeon.

Head hanging off the back of the pillow, or butt in the air.
The pillow seems to be the right size and shape for many of the sorts of play that I like.

Mabis Healthcare Foam Bed Wedge 12 X 24 X 24, White

Submission at the stripper bar

2012-12-22T15:06:00.000-08:00

Submission at the stripper bar.
I had to go to Puerto Vallarta Mexico for two nights.

I'm pretty self-sufficient, but this was the first time I've been there alone.
The city of Puerto Vallarta has been consistently fun for a dozen years of vacation.

I like stripper bars. There's beauty in seeing muscular (mostly) naked boys gyrating to the music.
But it's not interesting to me unless I'm seeing more than is freely available on the beach. Laws prohibiting full nudity make this more difficult.

Body language among the strippers made me believe that they were mostly straight. But since I wasn't planning to have sex with them that didn't really matter to me.

I found a seat across the room from a large American in a corner with a stack of small denomination bills.

The boys knew what that large man wanted and were willing to gyrate against him, occasional pulling down the front or back of their tight fitting underwear.

It was clear that everybody knew what was going. Everybody entered these interactions with full information.

But each and every time there was a gut-check where they would force themselves into action. It was a moment where submission would cross the face of the stripper.

I found it intoxicating. It's the same look of submission that I will often get to see once or twice during a really good scene in my dungeon.

I tip the strippers that I have enjoyed for the value that I have received.
I left the stripper bar happy, having never laid a hand on any of the strippers.

IML2012 hotel room play

2012-12-22T13:48:00.002-08:00

I had some play at IML2012 with sparkPak. I came across the photos in his recon profile.

They represent a really fun night.

SparkPak was the first person to tie me up in a long time. He had some assistance from nybcBryan (not pictured) incorperating the furniture.

Later that evening I tied up sparkPak.

handcuffed to the floor

2012-12-19T18:20:00.000-08:00

I sometime use handcuffs while bringing boys to the dungeon.

I don't use handcuffs for long term bondage, because of the possibility of handcuff thumb. But I will often use handcuffs to keep a boy busy while applying humane restraints.

I have experimented with a few different ways of keeping a boy restrained with handcuffs. I recently tried hands behind the back. After bringing him into the room I had him kneel down. I locked the handcuffs to a hard point on the floor.

I was pleased.

boy in temporary handcuff bondage while waiting for restraints to be applied

pervertables presentation

2012-12-16T13:22:00.000-08:00

I was asked to do a presentation for the Seattle Men in Leather Tribal Instincts series.

But then I had to attend to family obligations in Ohio.

I prepared the content of the presentation. soundsFun gave the presentation in my place.

diet and exercise

2012-12-05T21:22:00.000-08:00

I realized that I met the requirements for the weight (obesity) management program managed by my gym for my employer. At program intake I had the lowest body fat % of any previous enrollee.

They were willing to pay for my personal trainer 3x/week if I agreed to do their diet. Their diet is based on calorie control with a base of protein shakes. They slowly allow food groups back into the meals one food group per week. Their protein shakes are nutritionally equivalent to ensure.

For the past 11 weeks I have been hungry. Over that time I have lost a little over 15lbs. My diet ends next Tuesday.

I look forward to food.

Here are my progress photos:

Dec 10
Dec 4
Nov 27
Nov 20
Nov 13
Nov 6
Nov 1
Oct 23
Oct 16
Oct 9
Oct 4

Mostly straight guy

2012-12-03T20:50:00.001-08:00

I had a win on Friday.

soundsFun was on a work trip. I found things to occupy my time.

I had over a mostly straight guy, westofhearts7. I asked my standard questions to try to get a feel for his fetishes. The last porn that he had watched had been straight BDSM porn, topped by a femDom.

I don't watch much straight porn. And I don't really know how a femDom behaves. Most of the information that I have is hearsay and rumor. But my sense is that the interaction between dom and sub happens at a bit more distance.

Trying to emulate this, I tried to make the scene involved both physical and emotional distance. During chunks of the bondage I avoided eye contact. Much of the touching was done with floggers (including my new bunny hide flogger) and with a riding crop.

I had some false starts with his nipples. His nipples are a new and enjoyable experience for him. Nipple clamps quickly became painful and had to be removed, but in the ensuing pain his penis went fully soft. (I kept feeling that if I could get him to orgasm with the nipple clamps on it would be a profound almost religious experience, but I needed an additional set of hands to get the timing right.)

I ended up with him chained horizontally on the workout bench. It was deliberately reminiscent of the position he had described in the straight BDSM scene.

I wanted to create an ending, so I got out the venus2000. I positioned the winch hook above his body, and used it in place of a bungee cord for keeping the venus2000 in the right position on his cock. It was surprisingly effective. Use of the winch was much more adjustable than the bungee cords I had been using in other scenes.

In the aftermath of his powerful orgasm he told me that it was one of the most intense of his life. I will count that as a win.

A short chunk of video is available.

The ikea chair‏

2012-10-02T21:59:00.000-07:00

I brought an Ikea POÄNG chair to the delta run.

This seemingly simple act requires logistics. The chair is not available for Ikea delivery, so we had to roll our own.

On our way home from the Fort Steilacoom Sunday morning greyhound play group we stopped at Ikea and purchased the boxed chair. We drove this to the local UPS store and affixed UPS mailing labels directly to each of the boxed/bagged components.

The packages were waiting for me at arrival at command central.

The assembly of Ikea furniture has become a fixture in American comedy.

I decided to try to turn the assembly of the chair into a scene itself. At the swimming pool and at dinner
I solicited interest in a "team building exercise"

I got volunteers stripped naked. I added dogtra shock collars to ankles. I attached steel collars around necks. One I handcuffed behind the back. One I put in a prisoner transport hood. And I told to assemble the chair.

It was more difficult than I had expected. Like other tasks its only satisfying if it involves overcoming adversity in a quick manner.

Five or ten minutes in I realizes that I had misunderestimated the time that would be taken by the task. And it was about 20 minutes past peak enjoyment duration. But I was limited in what I could change. I took to cleaning stray construction debris and quietly correcting mistakes (like attaching the seat upside down) before they got too buried.

The chair was beautiful when completed. A lot of boys commented on having enjoyed watching the scene.

I conducted a fun cbt/spanking scene with bright white synthetic rope to the chair.

I could have made the task more enjoyable. I should have provided rewards at key checkpoints.
In retrospect I should have started with a blindfold instead of a hood. I should have chained the hands more tightly behind the back. I think that these two things would have sped up the process by ten minutes and made it more enjoyable.

It was memorable and fun.

flogging lesson

2012-08-09T23:26:00.000-07:00

SoundsFun is domming in a porn.

Flogging is nice in real life, but necessary in porn. And I thought that soundsFun would appreciate practice. So I arranged for a boy to come over for a private lesson.

I put on some dramatic choral music. The music worked in all the right ways.

For practice and experimentation I dressed the boy in a slightly loose t-shirt, and put him in a leather hood that covered his neck. (Just how I learned how to throw a flogger.)

I demonstrated the basic flogger strokes, and coached soundsFun.

The side throw technique that soundsFun had mastered for other reasons in other parts of his life, turned out to be visually stunning with the flogger.

It was a good evening.

anchored sleepsack

2012-08-05T00:37:00.000-07:00

A relative newbie came over for some BDSM. We have played a couple times before.

I used dim overhead spot lighting for the scene.

In previous play he had really seemed to respond to restrictive bondage and use of a collar, and I continued in this direction.

I used a bright orange dogtra shock collar. I locked it on with a small luggage lock. On hands and knees his penis responded well to edging.

I put him into the sleepsack, with the smallest butt plug in. I shocked him once to remind him that the shock collar was still on him. I put a prisoner transport bag over his head.

I added chains from sleepsack shoulders, hips, and feet.

About this time he became largely non-verbal. While he would respond to direct yes/no questions, otherwise he was largely unable to speak.

I alternated between leaving him alone for 15 minute stretches and masturbating him over and over to just short of orgasm. After an hour or an hour and a half he was begging with his eyes to be allowed to cum.

Around this time I realized that I had the music repeating a single enigma song. But since it all sorta sounds the same it had taken me an hour and a half to notice. I moved on to the next song.

I removed the hood and used a spider gag for some oral sex.

I undid the chains, moved the buckles on the straps so that they were at his side, and rolled him over face down within the sleepsack. There was some brief anal sex through the rear opening of the sleepsack.

I rolled him back onto his back, and masturbated him to completion.

on top of the cage

2012-08-04T22:36:00.001-07:00

MasterZ had us over for a summer BBQ. After wonderful snack food we descended into his dungeon.

BoyInSea indicated willingness to bottom for a scene.

Sometimes it works better for me to work backwards from where I want to end up. In this case I wanted to end up with myself straddling BoyInSea on top of the cage.

I dragged MasterZ's cage to the center of the room. I had BoyInSea lean over the top of the cage, bent at the waist, arms spread to opposite corners.

We had been watching olympic waterpolo, so decided to use a slightly wet towell for a rat tail. SoundsFun, from experience with competitive swimming, was quite good at snapping it. I hadn't mastered the snapping technique, so fell back on flogger techniques.

Between beatings with various implements I would move a limb at a time. Over the course of an hour and a half I slowly rotated him into the desired position.

Once I got him into position I tied his testicles down and across the cage. A medium butt plug was added. I played with BoyInSea's cock. I got distracted for a moment and he had a wet orgasm.

I climbed on top of him on top of the cage and masturbated onto his back.

tumbling

2012-08-04T01:19:00.000-07:00

I started up a tumblr feed of other people's work. It is a combination of things that I find hot, and things that my comments add value to.

http://happyfroshCurated.tumblr.com/

Table dancing at IML

2012-07-31T22:03:00.000-07:00

I had two great scenes at MAL with steelCollar. So we decided to play at IML.

He really liked the ambulatory public scene that we did in the lobby. So I decided to try to do something in the IML lobby. I talked to the people sitting around one of the large sturdy coffee tables. They did not oppose the idea of a public scene.

SteelCollar was dressed in a full rubber suit and high boots, all black. So I got out the ropes in opposing colors and started tying.

Tying on top of rubber is a little challenging. Unlike against skin, the rope doesn't move as much, so they have to be placed correctly or completely undone. But the white ropes really look beautiful over the shiny black of rubber.

I tied a chest harness and hands and the feet. I shifted him onto his front and tied him into a hogtie.

I shifted him onto his back. I tied his feet into the air to the corners of the table.

His hands started to go numb. Since his native language isn't English I missed some of the inflection, so couldn't quite tell how serious the problem was. I cut some of the climbing webbing rather than untying. It was the first and only time I have cut a boy out of rope.

In following discussion steelCollar made it clear that he felt okay and would like the scene to continue. And I felt comfortable that his hands were okay. I retied them in front of him and into the tie around his ankles.

Afterwards we had good beer and good conversation.

underwear shopping

2012-07-26T00:16:00.005-07:00

When I was a teenager I purchased a pair of cheap grey cotton Calvin Klein boxer briefs. They were comfortable. The comfortableness was how I would measure the comfortableness of other underwear for my young adult life.

Calvin Klein discontinued that style while I only had the single pair. I spent endless time and a lot of money searching for the equivalent pairs of underwear.

When the original pair physically fell apart I was forced to part with them. I still mourn their loss.

I had to give up on cotton. I'm not sure whether my body changed or the cut changed or both, but the mostly cotton underwear never seemed to fit right.

I had to give up on Calvin Klein. While their underwear continues to be very very pretty, the shape no longer seems to fit me.

I came across a Canadian brand that was stocked in some of the gay themed stores in my neighborhood. It was a lot more expensive than the pair of underwear that I was trying to replace. But it looked great. The slightly shiny texture makes me feel like a rock star.

When one of the local (gay) stores was going out of business this special underwear was one of the heavily discounted items. I bought all of their stock of my size.

And now it's time to buy new underwear again. Through amazon.com I just got the (unfortunately full price) latest incarnation of the style of this Canadian underwear that I love so much. They have narrowed the waistline slightly, but it still seems to keep the support and comfort and visual appeal that the first pair of Calvin Kleins made me believe possible.

brief style of the otherwise perfect boxer brief underwear

(previously published) Photos of happyfrosh in JM underwear.

* links in this page are not referral links, and I don't receive kickbacks from them. This post is about the magic of perfect underwear, not about marginal revenue.

bench stocks

2012-07-22T20:40:00.001-07:00

I used the workout bench as a set of improvised stocks.

A boy came over and wanted immobilizing bondage.

I used medical restraints on his wrists and ankles. I put a large steel collar around his neck.

I attached his wrists with a three foot chain and had him kneel in front of the bench. I pushed his chest down against the base of the bench and attached the chain from his wrists to the handle at the foot of the bench. I attached his ankles to the the attached chains at the foot of the bench. I attached a chain from the collar around the bench and to the other side of the collar.

I used chains from the upper part of the bench to hold his wrists tightly in place.

He was unable to move his hands, feet, or neck. This held his legs, chest, and head in place.

There was an electro butt plug and sex.

I am delighted when I find new uses for existing equipment.

the element of surprise

2012-07-03T23:28:00.000-07:00

A woman I respect commented that people can't be predicted.
And I disagreed.

I get people wrong. All the time. But I realized that I live in a world of mostly rational people. My misunderstandings are mostly about not having enough information and bad approximations.

But these things all add up to an apparent not understanding of motivations.

I don't think like other people. I know this. My friends know this. My shrink knows this.
But when people deeply explain their actions, they make sense. I can follow.

We don't always see everything. We can't. A lot of upset happens with things we should have seen, but didn't.

And then there are the approximations. We don't have the emotional or mental bandwidth or the time to examine everybody's motivations for every situation. We simplify our view of other people until they are simple caricatures. It's necessary to do something like this to be able to interact in real time in the world. As we grow closer to others our real-time visions of them become more detailed and accurate.

There are people that I can't understand at all. There are a very very small number of crazy people, some of whom I know to have been diagnosed as bipolar. There are people on drugs, especially meth, who no matter how hard I try I can't understand many of the motivations.
But these are the exception and not the rule.

People are more predictable around sex. The motivations seem simpler. The responses seem more consistent across people. And I know what to look for. In casual encounters I understand how to intuit the things that people are looking for, wanting, or needing. And feeding these things back often produces great results.

Overall people are predictable. I find this immensely comforting.

Understanding how I make these social mistakes doesn't make it better. I make mistakes and people get disappointed and upset. I will always be a little bit awkward, but I do try to be better.

getting ready for SEAF

2012-06-18T19:35:00.003-07:00

I am rigging on the giant metal spider web at the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival on Friday and Saturday.

Tonight I started practicing.

performance venue SEAF 2012

photo of the spider web was provided by the SEAF orgainizing committee and used without expressed permission.

Cost of sex

2012-06-13T22:01:00.002-07:00

In college I was a paid lab rat for experiments put on by the economics and political science departments at the university. Every Friday evening my group of friends would participate in the market experiments before going to the movies and dinner. At first the pay was really good. Then the pay was slowly adjusted down. Eventually it seemed not to be worthwhile. I eventually realized that this told me exactly how much I valued my free time at.

Over the years I have made minor adjustments to the number. But having this number answers questions. Like how much more a non-stop flight is worth extra money. How valuable a red-eye flight is. Which video store to go to. Whether to buy from amazon, or a local store.

After I began to understand how powerful this one number was in my life I started to look for similar numbers that govern our lives.

There are cliches about not being able to put a price on human life. The life insurance and medical insurance industries however rely on the ability to make a first order approximation of this.

Constrained resource allocation problems tend to make clear the least objectionable alternative clear. Resource constraints force us to make trade-offs. When trade-offs are gut-wrenching it means that the things being compared are roughly equivalent value (for some odd definition of the word value). The insurance industry needs to create a mapping between this value and money.

The standard way that this is done is by cost per quality adjusted life year. The British standard is about $46,000 per quality adjusted life year. The American private insurance standard is a little bit higher. The insurance industry has placed a price on human life.

These same techniques allow us to start to estimate the price of sex. We all pay for sex. Just not necessarily by a stack of bills on the nightstand.
There are costs associated with sex. There are hours spent in the gym. Hours spent practicing rope knots and rigging.

There is equipment. I account for these in a couple different ways. There are the consumables, like condoms, lube, and duct tape. These are direct costs.
Then there are capital expenditures. This includes restraints, gags, and ropes. Generally I assume a three year depreciation.
Then there are the big purchases. This includes the sleep sack, the hoods, and the dungeon itself. I have been operating on an assumption of a seven year depreciation for the big purchases.

I count in other costs that are a little more ambiguous. I count in much of the cost of my personal trainer. I count in a chunk of the cost of my vacations.

It turns out that sex is really really expensive.

But sexual experiences are not all the same. Things we do affects both quality and quantity of sex. Sex with people we find interesting and attractive is more desirable. Sex involving activities we find interesting is more desirable. I find myself moving towards a model similar to the quality adjusted life year, which I will call quality adjusted sexual experience.

Moving to a model of quality adjusted sexual experience doesn't answer my questions. (I don't know quite how much extra value I put on sex with a boy I have tied in intricate bondage.) But it does frame the questions in ways that make me feel like there exist answers.