This is the goal of my post-scene discussions with a bottom. After giving them time to collect themselves with an unsupervised shower and getting them at least partially dressed, I will request, in as unobtrusive a manner as I can manage, for them to stay for a brief discussion about the scene. I will remove the dominance symbols from my body, including my combat boots and cock ring, and any leather I was wearing.
I will usually offer an alcoholic beverage, and will usually have one myself.
Immediately after a scene a bottom will normally hesitate to criticize a top's performance. Getting honest feedback requires reframing the question as a collaboration.
I will ask the question of what they thought went well, and what could have gone better. While they consider, I will start by giving my uncensored self-evaluation. I don't hesitate to admit mistakes or regrets.
When it's the bottom's turn I will try to give them space to talk. If they run out of things to say I will probe conversationally.
By probing, I will try to fill in the missing pieces of S.M.A.R.T. feedback. S.M.A.R.T. is one of those mindsets that, after use in a couple annual performance reviews, colors the way you look at the world. In my own mind I use this as the framing for both what could have gone better and what went well. (my major terms in the S.M.A.R.T. acronym are slightly different than discussed on wikipedia, but close enough)
Specific | what should I have done or refrained from doing? | Did I hit with the flogger in the wrong place? | Did I tie a particularly good piece of bondage? |
Measurable | how will I know if I have done it right? | Did I leave unintended bruises? | Did I hear the moans of a sexual climax? |
| Achievable | is it possible to do it? | Can I figure it out myself? Can I find information on the internet or in a book? | Will the successful thing work again? |
| Realistic | is it reasonable to believe that I can do it? | Do I have the temperament to do this thing? Is it possible? | Was it as great as expectations? |
| Timely | when should I have done it? | Did I miss an opportunity? | Did I get thing to happen together at precisely the right time? |
I believe that by creating a relaxed enough atmosphere and being honest myself, I generally get honest usable feedback.
I know I'm not perfect. This is the way that I try to identify action to be better next time.
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| Feedback equipment |
