A woman I respect commented that people can't be predicted.
And I disagreed.
I get people wrong. All the time. But I realized that I live in a world of mostly rational people. My misunderstandings are mostly about not having enough information and bad approximations.
But these things all add up to an apparent not understanding of motivations.
I don't think like other people. I know this. My friends know this. My shrink knows this.
But when people deeply explain their actions, they make sense. I can follow.
We don't always see everything. We can't. A lot of upset happens with things we should have seen, but didn't.
And then there are the approximations. We don't have the emotional or mental bandwidth or the time to examine everybody's motivations for every situation. We simplify our view of other people until they are simple caricatures. It's necessary to do something like this to be able to interact in real time in the world. As we grow closer to others our real-time visions of them become more detailed and accurate.
There are people that I can't understand at all. There are a very very small number of crazy people, some of whom I know to have been diagnosed as bipolar. There are people on drugs, especially meth, who no matter how hard I try I can't understand many of the motivations.
But these are the exception and not the rule.
People are more predictable around sex. The motivations seem simpler. The responses seem more consistent across people. And I know what to look for. In casual encounters I understand how to intuit the things that people are looking for, wanting, or needing. And feeding these things back often produces great results.
Overall people are predictable. I find this immensely comforting.
Understanding how I make these social mistakes doesn't make it better. I make mistakes and people get disappointed and upset. I will always be a little bit awkward, but I do try to be better.
